Add a Little Spice in Your Life. Emphasize Little.

Yeah, this time I'm fine. Must be the "upward" part of my fun filled amusement park ride known as my emotions!

I ardently dislike  going to cafes alone. Maybe this is not a popular sentiment, but for me its so awkward. You go to the cafe, order and drink, plop down in a seat and proceed to browse the internet or crack open a book. Then when your drink ends...what do you do? Pretend you're still drinking? Buy another one? Is there proper etiquette for how long you can stay there alone before its weird?
 I mean I could just be at home reading, why go out in public to read alone? No matter where you sit, you'll end up making eye contact with the other person there who's probably waiting for someone else and pitying you for being there all single and alone.

One thing I might add. Jalepeno flavored chips are awesome. I love the "tongue-on-fire" feeling, I don't know why...spicy food is just awesome.
However, the residue from this awesome flavoring upon inspection of fingers and hands, that it has come into contact with, does not leave any friendly evidence behind. You will receive a gentle reminder though, if you start scrubbing a dirty contact lense with those innocuous looking digits, that Jalepenos are to be taken very seriously and indeed do not need to be seen to be felt. By "gentle reminder" I mean by punishing your eyeballs with a firestorm, so that weeping and gnashing of teeth occur immediately after replacing aforementioned newly "cleaned" contact in your eye.
This also unfortunately adds to the list of painful substances I've unintentionally place in my eyes.

Updated Top Five Worst Things to Get in My Eyes now being:
1. Jalepeno flavoring (e.g. upon potato chips)
2. Toothpaste (...I'm not proud of this one)
3. Peanut Butter (creamy...although maybe crunchy would be even worse...I'm not gonna try it)
4. Mascara (run of the mill, and experienced by many)
5. Pho Bo Soup with Red Pepper Flakes (seemingly impossible maneuver until a noodle flips up one fiery drop of liquid straight into the ocular region)

The Grim Visage of Hair Salon Vernacular.

The urge to write pried open my tired eyes, and left me wide awake.
 I've spent the last month and a half staying with my mom, sister and some friends back on campus. That first part of the month was a rollercoaster of emotions, but I thought maybe that was the worst of it.
Things I've learned: my grieving comes in waves, and not just little lapping waves that might accidentally get the top of your shorts a little damp. I'm talking 20' soakers that somehow come up unannounced and overwhelming and there's nowhere to run or hide.

Recent studies show that heartbreak or heartache is a physical pain*. As in I should be able to pop a few tylenol and be on my way...I thought being home was sorta like taking pain meds. I'm comfortable, I spend my time how I choose, I can relax or see people...I'm in charge of what happens in my day. Apparently that is all I'm in charge of though because my demandingly unpredictable emotions have dibs on the rest of me. One minute I am perfectly neutral, I could be happy or sad, but mostly just pleasantly blank of any heightened emotion. Then in a few blinks of the eye I'm elated, enjoying a great conversation, or Whose Line is it Anyway video to only fall suddenly quiet in a introspective state. I feel like a lily pad with one tenuous root tethered to the bottom of a murky pond. I'm am floating, delicately attached but also close to uprooting and following whatever current that takes me first.
*No citations, but I gleaned this nugget from Pinterest, so you know it's true.

I ache in my very bones for the happiness I had. The brand of happy then is now shrouded in rose tinted vagaries. At night I lay there breathing in and out, playing out memories in my head until its so cluttered it hurts. I miss the quite confidence of another's assured love. The span of distance presented no problems and the return home was a promise of future joy. Now there's the twinge of loneliness present, reminding me I must face the coming year without my appointed defender by my side. It's a  soft sigh in the darkness, a silently shed tear and a whisper of regret.
I ache for what was. For what changed...my momentum is just now slowing down like a liquid in a bottle that was wildly spun then quickly stopped. The liquid swirled around faster and faster but didn't notice it's surroundings until after the fact. A slow swirl continues, and I hope it will settle soon...

What is this unrest in me? I've been gone for half the year in a land that my roommates and I agreed to as "unreal". Its was not a real world. China was a fantasy, and I'm reeling from my descent high in the clouds to squarely back on Earth, smack dab into my previous life. It's my previous life yes, but with parts missing... like favor misplaced photographs, worn from repeated perusal. There's a haunting ache present, wishing everything would return until it feels whole again, until there's a restoration of what's mislaid.
 I feel light headed, almost dizzy and I can't tell if its from locking my knees while standing (which I've done before, but I'm better at concentrating on not doing that these days) or realizing what's really out there totally makes my life seem small and insignificant. I'm breathless even looking at other places, realizing they are worlds away from my own tiny one, and it's all carrying on without me like its done for forever. This world of ours is so enormous. I feel as though the very idea of such enormity could just swallow me up. I would be consumed wholly, without a trace of me left.

Have I mentioned I dislike when phrases are set up to say certain things like; "for forever", or "that that", or "ascended into". The latter is impossible for me to say without me sounding like a two year old: asendddindo. Or like when words are purposefully misspelled like "kewl" or the ever popular hair salon trends of "split enz" or "unbeweavable" (true story).
Honestly, I  really am irked by this total disregard for proper English. I feel like I'm being forced to say incorrect things, but they sound misleadingly correct. How sneaky is that?? I just feel so manipulated into speaking poor English.

There are two sides of doing travel research online; one you get loads of info about awesome places to see, gorgeous scenery and architecture to ogle, and people all over the world just waiting to make your much sought after acquaintance. On the other hand, it also dredges up everyone else's marvelous accomplishments from scaling snow clad mountains, seeing the northern lights to working with kids in orphanages and building homes for the needy in some distant land no one else is very willing to travel to. I see the mounds of awesomeness that others have achieved, going into space, training gorillas, inventing poo-to-carbon toilets and I have to feel a bit chagrined by my own seemingly small experience. Sure, I went to China which not a lot of people claim (or wish to claim), and I was a team member of a very upscale hotel chain. However, my part in keeping the success rates of this place going was minimal. My part was a minor contribution and thousand upon thousands of my peers* go all over the world and do the same kind of internship I do.
*Another word I don't especially care for. It seems presumptuous and pretentious, like my fellow college aged peoples will scoff and turn their noses up at being called "fellow college aged peoples". Maybe its shorter, but just because its short doesn't mean its better. Peers makes me think of scholarly journals, and of course quite "adult" people standing about saying, "Ye-es quite so, I concur with this particular statement of irrevocable fact...blad dee blah dee blah blah". Lets take it down a notch and go with people my age shall we? (Yes I'm aware this word applies to all age groups that one traverses through. Maybe when I'm at that especially "adult" part of my life, the word will become more palatable...I seriously doubt it though.)

I teeter between feeling rather proud of my experience, thinking "Ah me, look at what I've already accomplished at the ripe age of 23", then I see a picture of a smiling youth with their arms around impoverished children that they've been teaching, and probably donating their body parts too or something just because they are that giving. I'll admit a tiny harumph escapes me, and I totter to the ground thinking, "Well they just have it all planned out and if I had the money, I'd be doing the same thing". (Also I only have so many spare parts that I'm willing to part with...)


Oh and since the world did not end, I suppose this means I will continue occasional updates. I thought that once I returned to the States I would lose interest in posting any more blog blurbs, but I've found the process of writing out my mind's meanderings to be quite soothing and therapeutic. So forgive the frivolous nature of some posts, and keep in mind that I mainly write these for myself...you are an added bonus if you read and like it!

See? Even now I feel a sense of playfulness return, but I can't keep the lingering sadness completely at bay. Keeping a light tone is easy when an interaction is faceless, and I've found these updates to be quite freeing in a way that discussing them with family and friends could not be. What I've experienced is very singular to myself, a uniqueness that cannot, unfortunately, be passed on with story telling and pictures. I still feel China in my life, like a puzzle piece being slowly moved away, but the edge still holds the shape left behind. Now its just a quest to find a new piece, to shore up that edge lest it crack and crumble. Much like brownies or cake when a piece is cut away leaving the bare edge to dry! Too many similes. My apologies. I'm like a pandora's box of comparisons...

Happy One Month!

I realized something today. I've been home for a month now. A whole month since I landed in the states to resume my life here. I feel as if that was many many months ago, not just 4 weeks. I haven't really been able to fathom how long I've been gone since we came back. Waking up from dreams takes minutes, not weeks, right? Waking up from 6 months in China though, seems to take longer.
I'm more here now, most of me has returned and I feel more disconnected from China now. The more I feel disconnected however, the more I miss parts of it. I miss the food, the conversations with my coworkers, the multiple coffee shops within walking distance...eh...just the feeling of it.

So far I've spent my time readjusting and since that has been going fairly well, I'm up for other phases of my life to begin. This past week I had a job interview that turned into an invitation for a teacher assistant position and a job description rather than interview. This means I was requested by a former instructor of my lab, and the job I wanted was already offered to me before I was aware of it. So, I have a job upon my return to campus, an apartment closely located to my main building and a new sense of purpose and energy. I feel like my life is bounding ahead of me, occasionally  looking back and shooting me a grin of mischievousness and promise, instead of lagging behind like a half deflated balloon. I am squaring my shoulders, planting my feet and bracing for the next onslaught of obstacles. I'm ready!
This is about how cheesy I get, but I have a slight intolerance to lactose, so I have to limit myself.

Day Globes and Confessionitis.

Nothing surprises me any more. Except puddles discovered by be-socked feet.
Oh and when my cookies come out incredibly tasty (yes, I will brag about that- they are!) Also when its 65 degrees the first three days of December.
Maybe a few things still surprise me.

I've noticed over the past three weeks that time has both sped up to accomodate my reeling senses, but slowed down to make it seem like I've been home for months. The two time jaunts sorta cancel each other out and just make one day follow another, like they've done for my whole life.
What makes my world rotate faster is the amount of work I need to do, the little tasks I can accomplish that wile away the hours. Since there are only about .3 hours of daylight anymore, that means I can be done with anything around four and call it good.
Slower days mean more thinking time, and thinking time means more introspecting self reflection, and that means occasional tidal waves of regret, guilt and self disappointment.

Avoiding a slow day is quite the involving task, which in turn helps jump start a fast day. I wish my day was put around a globe, like those plastic numbers with a metal frame and base. Then I could spin it to my whim, and make the time go by as I pleased.

You know that feeling of utter regret that lingers and haunts any open space your brain offers? That feeling of unrest until the moment you can release it and relief can follow? How important is it to say the simple apology, express a heartfelt feeling that will other wise fill up the gaps where peace resides until it's uttered? Speak it softly, speak it slowly, speak it humbly, speak it quickly, or speak it with the only method you can. However its done, it must be done.

That's really one of those niggling quirks I can't seem to rid myself of. I must speak it, must express the innermost thoughts or I will languish in a place of stuck-ness. Maybe this kind of confessionitis will help realize a new path of work, or conjure up a perfect relationship. On the other hand, it might just rot away any patience among my beloved ones with the incessant expression of "feelings", or will cause me to lose many jobs since my infernal sense of obligation rules my somewhat unwillingly obliging mind.

If I had the power, I'd freeze someone's ability to shut down and stop listening long enough to explain myself (not in an evil way, just bypassing the any prejudices formed beforehand) then letting them go right away of course. Now that I say it, that sounds rather controlling and manipulative. Well it is, I guess...but you can see what I mean. All the times we've needed to apologize for something, or to someone, wouldn't it be nice to just do so without any hassle?

Can't I just be over and done yet? Snap my fingers and bam! move on! I'm ready, I'm willing so whats slowing this process down? Closure, why can't we be friends?

Nih- *sigh* I Mean Hello...

The last week was a mixture of pleasant alone time, and then socializing with family and friends. Someone asked me how long I'd been home, I said about a month, then realized it was just over a week. My concept of time is slightly skewed but its regaining balance slowly.
Earlier this week I had a long talk with a couple people, learned some new things and laughed a lot.
I've watched a million hours of Doc Martin, Luther, and Freaks and Geeks.
Occasionally I bake a couple dozen chocolate chip cookies when I'm really bored.
Last night I read a good book and had a good cry.
Sometimes I still feel like I went manic for 6 months, dreamed up China, became lucid, and am just now coming home.


Basically...I'm adjusting. I'm picking up the pieces between my divided worlds and stitching it back together.

Also I have this weird  feeling of connection to any Asian person I see now, like they know I was in China, and they would want to talk to me. Gets more awkward if I discover they're American born.

Glad to Be Home, But Not Back Yet.

I'm neither here nor there now. My beings drift restlessly in both worlds. I can sense my mind in China, a pale memory there now, but lingering like the scent of lavender next to dried blooms. I'm breathing normally, my emotions mixing like oil and water; happiness sitting on the surface, but sadness is ever there. I feel like a foreigner in my own hometown, but I know being in China would only produce the same feeling...

I realize this transition is not new, nor do I feel a special brand of pain that no one else knows. I even know that the time it will take to adjust will be far less than I can now imagine, and should only wait until this passes...however I feel as if nothing soothes a heartache quite like relinquishing it into the inscrutable face of this internet void. Once expressed, I feel the touch of loneliness lighten, the fingers pull away from my face and rest quietly on my shoulder. Removed, but comfortably near.
Really that's the truth, isn't it? A resigned miserableness can have a certain appeal, there you are alone in your life experiencing it as a single soul in a dark hanging space. Somehow being so sad, so far from a friend's reach to pull you up into the sunshine and frivolity of their world makes you happy, or at least content. There is an attraction to slumber, the precursor to forever sleep. That dark purple stasis, where dreams and longings stretch forth straining to push through the veil and emerge into waking daylight. Where you can exist in comfortable paralysis, expecting nothing and ending it whenever you wish. I can see the pull of sleeping forever, the attraction of releasing responsibility and giving into gentle, unhurried rest. Although I can see it, I also recognize the parallels to it in other substances. It is just another drug of choice, another way to cope with or ignore life's complications. Sleep can be replaced with many other mind alternating things, and I cannot allow for that to creep into my life. The tendency of addiction is fairly strong in my nature, and circumvention seems the best method anyway. There again my pragmatic mind rears up and hisses; dependence upon sleep or otherwise is impractical and unacceptable. So I'll forge on, searching for something else to be safely addicted to instead.

I won't be at this level for ever, I know my experiences are not extreme, and I will not think these thoughts forever...however thinking them at all is unusual for me, and I am compelled to dispense them here, as one sheds cold water off one's skin.
Does every experience growing pains thus? I'm as a young plant eager to reach the sun's warmth, but caught under the foliage of my experiences, the shadows delaying growth. I look forward to the day when I burst forth into sunbeams, survey my new vantage point and finally understand what all that struggle was for.
Here I am exposing my naivety, putting my tender years under your scrutiny and finding myself surprisingly not frightened.
I'm not frightened...fragile, prideful, a bit defensive, and maybe a touch unsure of my choice of admitting all of the above...but not afraid.

Just the Two of Us

I'm home. After all that waiting, agonizing, whiling of hours and wishful thinking to be there...I'm there. I'm sitting in my kitchen, a dozen cookies sitting in front of me that I made earlier in the day. My mom and sister are comfortably near by, and the atmosphere is calm and cozy.

My mind is split in two. I feel half of me functioning as a person here in the world, smiling, talking, moving but I feel like its an old movie clip that's looping and replaying, instead of a live performance. My life here seems unchanged, and I had no obstacles slipping back into my role...
The other half of my  mind is back in China, speaking Chinglish, tuning out incessant noises and having no other worries besides myself and the few things I should do. I'm trying to phase out the phrases I think of constantly in Chinese, and the general attitude I had. I'm struggling between happiness and a drowning despair...I'm a whole person, but the separation inside has almost created two entities.
I can see how easy it would be to fall into depression, to ignore the fact that this transition is one of the most complicated processes that I've been involved in and will probably take time to work through. It's day two, and I'm ready for this to blow over.
Sometimes I'm so strangely incapable of not being a functional human being, it kills me. I wish there was a part of me that gave up easily, and allowed my dark and twisty side to reach up softly and enfold me into quiet miserable bliss. But no...I'm here writing about my feelings, making it public and even baking cookies to stave off that temptation. How easy it would be to give in, but to what purpose? Nothing good would come of it, my exasperatingly practical mind whispers...might as well move on with life.

I have a couple project still due for school, and that interview for another job on campus to look forward to. There are other things that are worth getting up and showering for like my cat, or cafes with great music. My family will support me, and I will go on as unfailingly sensible as always.

China will be that experience I'll remember more than I can talk about, an experience of feelings I can't exactly completely share and a place that will hold a new meaning for me. The time I spent there will be unparallelled with any other place and my mind is forever altered.

Days Left: 3

On the third day in China, I was mulling over the enormous fact that I was thousands of miles away from home, with a mind blowing amount of time before I would return. Around the third day was when we finally ventured out of the apartment to find food, since we had not been taken grocery shopping, and had only eaten Tricia's birthday cake for sustenance. We made the arduous trek of crossing the main road, to Bellagio, the Thai place, where we hacked our way through ordering food and drinks with our 8 hours of Chinese. The experience was stilted, embarrassing and slightly painful but we got our food and showed us that we could survive this place. Probably.

It is now three days until I go home, and all the memories of our first few weeks here are surfacing. The first time I went to Victory Plaza and interlaced my fingers with a girl, or the first time I saw someone wearing a blouse so sheer the brand of her bra was visible and it was considered fashionable, and then there was the first time we shopped at Carrefour and had a anxiety attack... These memories have stuck, and I feel will stick to me for a long time. I feel a sort of symmetry in posting three days until I go back. Like the journey couldn't been completed without a summing up of the moment at the three day mark.

Today we hit the Dalian market for some more shopping,and had a different experience than the crowded, airless underground of Victory Plaza. Instead its a crowded airless warehouse, with sketchier floors, vendors and elevators. However, the quality is better and if you're in need of some really touristy things like pendants or red silk hangings, its definitely the place to shop at. We wandered around for a couple hours, but didn't find the traditional Chinese dresses that my roommate was looking for. After being somewhat defeated by the general chaos and lack of our target purchase item, we hailed a taxi and headed back home. For some reason taxi drivers, once they find out we're American, love to point out the fact that our president is Obama. After saying his name three or four times, I assume they're asking me something about him, and normally I just repeat his name back until they give up. This works really well actually for most interactions, just repeat the last word they say and eventually the funniness wears off and they stop asking questions. It sounds a lot worse put that way, but its incredibly stressful carrying out a conversation anyway- let alone one of touchy natures like politics or quality of clothing.
Normally the good ol' smile and nod comes in handy, and if you throw in a "pengyou" or friend, you get by just fine.

Tonight we ate, for the last time, at our favorite Indian restaurant, Abashi. I ordered my usual butter chicken with a bicycle seat sized naan bread and enjoyed the heck out of it. I will miss the easy access to cheap transportation and food. A taxi is around 8 RMB to a place nearby, which is not even a buck fifty. The chicken and naan together was eight bucks, and I was full when we left. Tomorrow is tea in Lobby Lounge, lunch at Bellagio for our rounding out of experience and dinner wherever we decide ourselves. The last night, on Tuesday, we said we're gonna have one more meal at iCafe and pig out on just desserts. (However most likely we'll eat our favorites like the noodle soup/dumplings/sushi too).
I can't believe I won't have these places to go to any more. Eating out is so easy here I might have a difficult time adjusting back to buying groceries again! I can see why city living is desirable now, access to cafes nearby, or restaurants that you don't need a car to get to is quite convenient and nice.

Our flight from Dalian to Shanghai is at 7.55 am, so we're leaving Shangri-la at 5ish. This means our real last day is Tuesday, and since its the 11th,  that means its only a couple days til I'm flying home. Yes, thank you for asking, I am mostly packed already. Do I have enough room for all my stuff? Yeahh...I think so. Although I'm a little worried about the weight limits, and I don't know how I acquired so many more shoes. Maybe its the same amount as before, but I feel like I have more shoes than clothes or other necessities. Needless to say my bag is no longer a mere 35 pounds. We have a 14 hour flight to NYC, then a 6 hour layover until we fly into Indy. I'm gonna have some time on my hands, and no excuse to not do my internship papers or other required reports. I can't believe its almost time to go home now. Can't say it went by quickly, but I can say it was unexpectedly sooner than I originally thought....

Also, my roommates have made me into a sorta grownup person...I have a grownup purse, some shoes and now a fashionable coat with a matching scarf...I don't even know who I am anymore!

Chapter 6: F2

Monday through Wednesday was indeed quite busy, and I must say I had a rollicking time running around serving drinks, taking orders and yuckin it up with the guests. I've never seen so many foreigners all in one place, here in Shangri-La and it was amazing how quickly I could ease back into chatting freely with people. I've missed that interaction after my iCafe rotation was over. Most of my guests were not English speaking, or at least not fluent. It was a relief to have those interactions, jokes and stories after the lack of it over the past few months. I had my "regulars" and we were all on first name basis from day one, just as friendly as can be! Seeing familiar faces every night made everything more fun, and I am so glad the convention fell during my rotation at F2. A lot of the people I've met in the past few weeks really have made the time fly by, and I feel like without them it'd be a miserable wait. I'm thankful for the distraction. I was surrounded by Canadians, Scottish, Danish, Russians, Spanish and other miscellaneous types of people. I must say that its awesome how different each culture is, but teasing and joking really brings everyone together. We had a booth of almost every nationality from above and despite occasional language barriers it was barrels o' laughs. I'm just excited I got to meet that many different kinds of people all at once too, and get a firsthand comparison to all their behaviors. I think traveling for work is in my future, especially after seeing what it's like to meet all kinds of people that like.

Really, its quite amazing now how soon I'll be home, and I can't hardly wait to touch American ground again and see my family. These past two weeks have yielded such a shift in my thinking, that I think I'm gonna need some time to really mull it all over and process it fully when I'm home.

Today is my last Thursday in Dalian, yesterday was my last day in F2, and I'm wrapping up work with a little updating of the SOP's and not much else. Tomorrow is a half day of learning stewarding (not washing dishes thankfully, just learning about breakage control and costs) and then I'm done with work! I am completely free for the next four days, and my roommates and I have big plans for our last hurrah's here.
F2 was an interesting rotation...my main job was guest interactions, and I didn't get much chance to learn actual bar "stuff". I learned a few drinks, how to promote events, controlling liquor costs and ordering...other than that...not much to say. I am glad it was my "last" real rotation, and that my time at the end was so busy. Time flew by and here I am now, all 6 rotations done, and my internship coming to a sudden yet agreeable close.
Chapter 6: F2 Bar, closed.

I'm so full of stories now, I'm surprised I'm not leather bound and do not smell of rich mahogany.

A Little Taste of Home.

For some reason I couldn't sleep past 5.30 this morning, so I'm sipping on Emergen-C, listening to great music and  of course, pondering on life. The city lurks outside my window, looking cold and forlorn on this cloudy morning. Yesterday was also cold and the light drizzle turned into a soaking and chilling rain in which I had the pleasure of walking home in.
After an exhaustive search for jade, and wandering around Victory Plaza for hours I gave into the fact that I will never understand or like shopping at that market. Its a labyrinth of stalls, each one packed with clothes, shoes, belts, suitcases, even stuffed animals...and the merchandise looks all the same after a while. I mentioned before how incredibly overwhelming shopping is for me, but add in me trying to guide someone else around and you'll get a slightly less polite, more apt for cursing Ann. I'm not proud of my reactions. I blame VP for bringing out the worst in me. We walked around trying to find jade souvenirs, or even just little statues to no avail. I was of no use, and most of the time we wandered around, me sweating in the airless underground floors looking wide eyed at other shoppers, hoping they'd guess what I needed and just give it to me.
Yes I asked for help, and everyone pointed me in a vague direction followed by rapid-fire Chinese that I couldn't hope to understand. You'd think I'd be used to that by now. Actually when people speak any Chinese to me now, I cringe less and can normally pick out a thread of the conversation. Give me another 6 months and I think I'd be able to have a passable conversation!
(That's not an actual request. If I was slotted to stay another 6 months, I think drastic measures would be in order...like getting a Chinese character tattoo and wearing pantyhose all the time...which is the worst possible scenario I can think of)

On Saturday, we had the joy of eating lunch at a couples apartment. Angelica and Zilton were guests at Shangri-La when I was in Nishimura and they were incredibly friendly and sweet. At one point they invited us all to eat with them, and they followed through by having us over for a wonderful home cooked meal, which we happily accepted. We took a taxi out to the area were they live, which was upscale and oh so quiet! No construction! Hardly any traffic...it was bliss.
She made chicken, a fresh salad (without bitter greens!) homemade mashed potatoes, and followed up with pumpkin pie, brownies and ice cream. I admit my eyes watered a little more than normal. It felt like we were so close to home, and miles away from China. Their apartment was spacious and homey, and we felt so welcomed and appreciated. They served us like family, talked with us about our experience here, and insisted that we leave our information so we could stay in touch. How sweet to have people like this, to welcome us so warmly and get a taste of home.
Home seems such a mythical place, a enfolding cloud of magic and love that no matter how dull, exciting, or even fraught with family drama...is a place to rest.
I'm sure I've built up the experience in my mind of how going home will be, and most likely my actual experience will be a lot less dramatic...but the image of my house getting closer and closer calms me, and makes the world take on a pleasant haze around it.

This week should be fairly busy as we're hosting the fisherman's exhibition, at full capacity, for three days. On Friday night I met a group of very cool Scottish fishermen and by the end we were swapping war stories and jokes. I expect to be pretty busy tonight, and mostly because the group is mainly foreigners. Hopefully we won't be overrun as the bar tends to be unprepared for crowds over 20. Yes...anything over 15 is a crowd. It's fun though, working there, and the uniform is relaxed enough to be comfortable. I have one confession to make, and I know this will change your opinion of me forever...in advance I apologize for dropping this on you unexpectedly but....I wear tights under my jean shorts, with my Chucks...tights like pantyhose tights...and....*cough* I don't hate it. Will I bring back this fashion statement to America?- Heck yea--I mean no way! That would be ridiculous. Right? I mean...gross. Pantyhose and jeans don't mix.
Its a requirement to wear black and white, but the type of clothing doesn't matter. I can't wear jeans, so I'm forced to used tights. This is my excuse/justification.
They are not comfy, nor do I enjoy wrestling to put them on...but as far as cool factor...*sigh*
What is happening to me??

Since I'm up, I might grab an early breakfast, and get a head start on my day. It's a good day for movies and blankets.
Have a great day, go forth and be happy!

A Life Compactor.

      Last night Heather and I spent the evening entertaining children at the Halloween event in iCafe. We were told, in a round about fashion I am ever so used to now, that we would be helping with face painting, and generally amusing the little tykes. Easy peasy! When all 30ish kids were milling around the dining room, the word chaos jumped to mind but was quickly replaced with "madhouse". I loved it. There were at least 15 princesses, approximately 3-4 Snow Whites, 1-2 Cinderellas, and 1 Sleeping Beauty who was very insistent that she was absolutely not Sleeping Beauty. Showing her the picture on the button on her dress did not convince her otherwise, either. One of the kids wore only a pink sweatsuit, and a pumpkin costume over it. Pumpkin girl stole my heart. We had instantaneous bonding, and she spent a lot of time with her arms wrapped around my neck or speaking to me in perfect Chinese/English. If I was made of stone, maybe I wouldn't have melted so quickly, but I was putty around that little girl.
The kids were pretty fun, rowdy, and enjoyed getting their cheeks painted on. Sometimes inspiration struck and they were compelled to decorate their own body parts. I had to drag one little girl away from the skin crayons because of the shrinking available surfaces on which she could draw on...next option was mostly likely her classmates unfortunate enough to be near her. The stencils for the tattoos were stickers that took up most the kid's face, and sometimes their skin would kinda pull up with it as I tried to gently remove it. It was especially funn- I mean bad when the sticker's size meant one eye would be out of commission for a  few seconds. However, they stood very patiently as I tried applied the tattoo, and colored it in.
We ran around after the children for a couple hours, helping them grab disgusting amounts of candy, and fixing their cheap toys we gave out earlier. I was offered various gummies, straight from the darling child's probably sparkling clean hands, and wound up with a pocketful of the sticky profferings by the end of the night.

It's November folks. I probably mention the date every time I write something new, but I can't help it! I look at my phone every night, just studying the calendar, counting down the days over and over. One morning I will wake up, check my calendar and realize I'm already home.

Next step, finding living situations for the next semester, getting a job secured and being generally anxious about the future.
How many times do you wish in the day that money wasn't important? I probably think that every 15 minutes or so. I need it, but very much dislike relying on it. I wish we could barter in the States.

Today Heather and I plan to run around Dalian on our day off, and try to get some last minute sightseeing done. Next week we'll do a few days in Stewarding...which is fancy name for cleaning dishes in a blue jumpsuit, headscarf, rainboots and trash-bag aprons. This also means I only have about 8 working days left.
I'll also probably start packing next week. Sometimes I lay awake at night rearranging the stuff in my suitcase in my mind, until I'm so excited I can't fall asleep.

I dread the trip back, the consequences of 6 months distance, and the hazy, uncertain future I'll be stepping into. Facing the next few months seems rather insurmountable, I have new challenges to overcome and just like always, I don't know how I will.
The reckless abandonment in the quest of finding friends has slowed to the pace of molasses in January, in Alaska. The fierce desire to know the people around me has dulled to a pleasant hum of familiarity. I nod hello at Bill or Zhang, in iCafe, smile broadly at my Lobby Lounge girls, grin at the easy going faces of the stewarding staff, or front office people, tease the staff during lunch, and hug my colleagues at F2 hello. I've known the faces of my colleagues now for almost half a year. These folks have seen me at my best (gold blouse, black ninja pj's or Victorian era dress) and at my utmost worst (running out of the room with tears streaming down my face, or being completely enraged about...something). I have those same faces to say hello to while clocking in,  and the effortless friendliness I witness everyday with guests also graciously applied to me. I am lucky my coworkers are so supportive and seem generally interested in me. Even if all I say is, 'I'm tired', they never let that comment go without being responded to.
My roommates are endless sources of support, and I would've lost my sanity several times without the crying sessions in my living room, or the pep talks that followed. Every so often I did collapse into a pile of  sobbing jelly, saying I couldn't do it anymore, that I couldn't make it one more day here. They'd picked me up, or in that case kinda scoop up the pieces and glue me back together with common sense, humor and reason. Thank goodness for that.

Also I'm thinking about writing a short book about my experience here...nitty gritty details included. It might be the worst decision ever, or maybe it'll help give me closure in a way. I've experienced more in 5 months here, than I ever could've back home. I feel like an intense movement has happened and eventually I'll be able to wrap my mind around it... until then, lets call this experience The Life Compactor. So look on the shelves in the next year or so, Ann Lucas': The Life Compactor: A Complete Account of A Chinese Internship... or something like that...titles can come later, right?

Hello Apathy, My Name is Downer, Debbie Downer.

Working in a bar that has very few customers has been an experience...not a very exciting one, but I've made some regular guest's as friends and I can expect a certain kind of people to be able to talk to. Some nights the amount of people that show up is closely paralleled to how many colleagues just got off work. I'm fairly certain half our business relies on management coming in on their off hours.
I had fun for the Halloween event that our manager planned, even though the outfit was ridiculous and our back story was a little spotty. We got to run around in costume, with a rather well decorated bar and lots of fun events. This week may or may not be my last in F2, depending if our training schedule changes to include Stewarding. I'm not exactly sure why we should spend a whole week there, but maybe it'll be more exciting than another week at F2. One thing I know is, I'm a big fan of the policies in the bar, and free champagne after 9 on Friday certainly brightens the beginning of the weekend.
My coworkers are mainly females with the exception of Kobe the manager, and Frank the lights guy. Frank will giggle at anything I say, which only makes me try harder. He's everybody's baba, or dad, he'll refill their drinks at dinner, or peel their apples for them. For some reason he's always there when I have a food crisis or I make a social no no, and he has a good laugh over that too. Ah good ol' Frank. Coco and Dana are the shift leaders and I guess you get seniority based on how long your hair is...they have ridiculously long hair. I mean, I know some ponies green with envy over this. Emily is this tiny, dainty girl that acts like a man, hawking loogies and burping and has hundreds of pictures of herself on her cellphone. She paid a company to do a model shoot of herself...I would never inflict that upon anyone. Generally the girls are very nice, and we have fun, but a lot of times they just stare at me while I'm talking. Sometimes I get a weak smile, or a polite chuckle, but mostly I get very blank looks that only a language barrier issue can produce.
I'm ready to speak English very quickly again, ask questions and have them promptly answered without spelling everything out.

Its even colder here now, the temps dipping into the single digits, and I have yet to get a suitable coat. This is not such a travesty as I rarely go outside any more...but I figure eventually I'll get a hold of one...maybe before I leave.
I lack the spark of writing that was so ready to me before, now I struggle to find peppy sounding situations I was in, or interesting moments that happened in my day. I should write stuff down more, about how I feel and then look at it later. I doubt I will remember exactly how I felt over the past 5 and half months here. Overall though, I am glad I kept a running account of things that happened here. I'm sure there will be someday that I'll want to relive some of my time here. I must say I apologize for the stream of consciousness I sometimes deem worthy to shove out into the void of blog world.
Debbie Downer here, and she's got a lot of downing to do. Wah Wahh. Seriously, I'm tired though. Between late hours at F2 and early morning wake up calls from all day construction I am sleep deprived, antsy and borderline apathetic to life in general. One day I'd like to sleep in, no lights shining in my room, no noises beyond the soft hum of the central air and only waking up  because a delicious breakfast awaits me.

I had my haircut again at the same place I went to before. It's the only place in the world I think they can get away with beating someone on the top of their head and call it a "relaxing" massage. It's weird, too personal, sorta painful but heck, its also kinda enjoyable...

A PPT For Life

      Do you remember knowing exactly what kind of person you'd be as you grew up? Do you remember making promises that you would succeed at ____ and never ____? I do. I remember looking at my future self of 20 at the ripe age of 13, and just knowing that my character, personality and ambitions would never waver.
I used to read novels about people who do all kinda of crazy stuff, and somehow still act like people with  semblances of functional  relationships. I wonder how they can wake up happily, knowing they lived a messed up life. The theme has spilled out into my own experience now...
Why is there no outline, or PPT for these parts of our lives? I would love it if someone sat down and typed out just what to expect in the years to come. (Animations and clips included) No one warned me that failing at things I've never failed at would happen, or that it's stumbling blocks from here on. The life manual that informs you of each type of mistake you can make, and the likelihood of its occurrence would be most helpful, (preferably complete with statistics and graphics).
Decisions seemed more clean, less ragged-edged, and I could look at my life with bright and unclouded eyes. I found the neat razor cuts of hard, but thought out choices easier than the bits of chopped up impetuous ones. When have you failed yourself, knowing it all the while, knowing your very self was betraying the wholeness of your character?

I think the part they never tell you about traveling, distance and growing up is the path gets darker and darker as you go. That bright guiding light that twinkled merrily at first dims over time, and it seems like the new shiny road you were on plunges suddenly into a mysterious wooded forest, or heady swamp. Five months in, and I have yet to burst out into a meadow where the light shines so warm and casts no uncertain shadows.
I've found a great deal of answers here in China...and maybe I would've back in the States, or maybe I would've stuck with what is familiar and comfortable. The answers I found, however, seem only to complexly intertwine with new and confounding questions I'm almost afraid to ask... questions I most likely can answer, but dread it all the same.

If given the chance to redo my time here, I can only say, what would be the point of that? What's the point of wondering how you can change things, when the realizations you had would most likely come about in another situation? This doesn't erase the times of pride or regret I've experienced, or change any decision I've made ultimately right or wrong. It is what it is.

Today the smog is thick and the air chilly. The ever present construction buzzes in my ears and I feel a bit restless, like my heart is preparing for a race that I don't know the start time of. My senses are in overdrive, and the cold blue light from the mountains casts a weary shadow in the living room. I want to run, I want to hide. Let me escape from this belaboring of my child-like wonder, and have some respite from the onslaught of all this life changing stimulus.
Home is an ever present need now. I need surrounding warmth, the softening effect of my loved one's nearness, and the familiarity of my world restored.

Chapter 5: Lobby Lounge

My time at Lobby Lounge is definitely one of my favorite memories now. Every time I'd clock in, walk across that luxurious carpet, be greeted cheerily by my colleagues I would sigh happily, and also remember my time here is dwindling down quickly. I am surprised how fast the rotation went by, and all five weeks seem a blur now of cappuccinos, sneaking cookies and peanuts and laughing at the antics of En. I learned how to properly serve English tea, how to make a decent looking foamy drink and of course how to walk around in a manager suit and confuse people by being American, instead of Chinese. (or Italian, or German, or Russian).*
Overall I'd say the lounge is very well run, the girls are trained incredibly well and they will always have a special place in my heart. I'm gonna miss the goofy conversations we'd get into when they wanted to learn English from me. Most of the words on their drink menus were not fully English, and my French/Italian is rather rusty...in that I know next to nothing of either. However, I did discover they have a really great Spanish accent, and can pick up a foreign language besides English much faster. On my last night there, the girls wanted to have a surprise going away party, but because I leave before the shift ends, they couldn't tell me to come back without ruining it...so they instead told me they were having a surprise party for me later. I had a good chuckle at that one, and boy I'll tell you, I was so surprised!
They took me to a little restaurant with fish tanks on the wall, and a balcony seating area. We rushed upstairs and became the loud and obnoxious group of girls giggling wildly and saying inappropriate things...which I may or may not have taught them.

I feel like I've been missing out on a huge cultural thing. I don't know any swear words in Chinese. I only know how to call someone "stupid" which is the equivalent of a five year's insult...and I feel a little silly going around only armed with a five year old's sense of what is 'mean'. They had a great time thinking of bad words for me, and I spelled out some bad words to them- it sounds much more awful putting it out on this blog...but it was a lot funnier at the time...
They also ordered a slew of odd dishes and delightedly cackled at my many faces and expressions while I sampled them. I tried chicken congee, preserved egg congee, beef stir fried noodles, some kinda tofu dish with mushrooms, glass noodles with cabbage, spinach with preserved egg (which smells and tastes like death) and the crowning dishes of sliced pig's ear, and spicy pig's ear with table onions. I have to say most things were actually tasty besides the congee dishes and anything with the preserved egg. Preserved egg is black, mostly translucent and gives off an odor of oldness....like socks washed in poopy fish water.

I had so much fun with them though, and they told me how much they'd miss me. I've been finding it harder and harder letting myself get too close or attached to people because I know I'm leaving soon, but those girls were like instant sisters. I think of everyone I'll miss them the most. So with that, yet another chapter in my life here as a trainee monkey in a manager suit is now and forever closed.

I start F2 tomorrow, our bar, and I have to say I thought the awesomeness of my uniform had come to an end when I left Nishimura...turns out F2 has a uniform too. It's not as epic as my poop coat for room service, nor as comfy as my flowy gouchos, or black ninja pj's...but there is velvet involved. You know its gotta be good when velvet is part of anything.
Thursday is the new presentation day, and I present in the afternoon. My shifts start at five so I'll have time to calm down afterwards, and hopefully my knees will have stopped shaking by then. Friday is English corner for Front Office, Saturday is my Chinese final...then its home free for the next couple weeks. There's the slight issue of our reports for the study abroad class, and the final report for our projects...but that's what 15 hour plan rides are for...right?

Winter finally hit Dalian. It hit like a ton of bricks, suddenly a bitter wind sweeping through the city, and I am still unprepared for the temperature dropping. I posses my own sweatshirt now, and some other kinds of shoes beside tennis...but nothing near warm enough for the frigid temps Dalian experiences. Despite it being so cold, the crisp new weather is exciting and a refreshing change from bland warm days and nights. This also means November is creeping up, and how can I not be excited for that?!

Can you believe its been five months?

Also we have a themed party planned for F2...guess who gets to be subjected to a "Vampire Diaries" night? I told the manager Kobe I had unfortunately left all my leathers at home. He was nonplussed  for about two seconds, then regained his footing and informed me they would supply me with an outfit. Joy.

*If things weren't bad enough an American came up to me and asked me if I spoke English. She thought I was Russian. I give up. Paruski it is!!

Why Buy a Polka Dot Suitcase?*

Today dawned bright and chilly with much potential. We practice our presentations for the speeches we'll be giving next week, tomorrow is my last English corner session with in room dining and also my last day (I think) at Lobby Lounge all on this lovely day. I love writing about how busy things will be because it creates this sense of motion in my life. Now when I complete one thing its on to the next, until my trip here is milked for all its worth.
Yesterday we shopped 'til we dropped, which is usually the case here. Bargaining is exhausting. The stalls and the selections within get overwhelming, and then arguing with a vendor (more like play acting) gets wearisome. Heather is a genius at it...I give up too easily. We shopped from 11 til about 3.30/4 o'clock. I think the process for shopping is exhausting because you don't spend an incredible amount of money. There's this convenience fee you pay for an easy shopping experience, and then there's bargaining where you work hard for your purchases. I'm not sure if I like one better than the other, but I did get some good stuff. There was also the experience of underground shopping of the more sketchy or 'dodgy' nature...

My one suitcase is packed. It's ready to be opened, the contents wrapped and dispersed on Christmas day, although I don't know if I can wait that long! Most likely my stuff will be half packed and ready to go a week (or two) before we fly out. I have accumulated a little more than the mere 35 pounds of items I brought with me, (although the five pounds of jumbo jelly beans are no longer going to add any heft to my suitcase, so there's a little more room) and my stuff will have to be carefully arranged to accommodate it all. I'm sure I'll start folding my clothes and living out of my suitcase days before I even need to start packing for home.

For the past couple months construction noise has been a constant, and every morning they start promptly just as I wake up. I rarely wake up because of the noise, its more like when I awake its suddenly there and I can't go back to sleep. Sometimes I'm dreaming and realize the noise is there, but wake up and reality sets in. I liken it to a group of people holding a hammer music festival, cuing each other with the off beats of hammers pounding, and at least three guys with jackhammers for a rousing chorus. The bridge is a muddled period of stuttering halting of action. (That's probably when someone got a little dust in their eye) In any event...someone is having fun making this ruckus.

Four Wednesdays left.

*Its so you can easily spot it!

Does This Mean I Just Made Out With a Duck?

Hi. My name is Ann Lucas, and I live in Dalian, China. For the past five months I've worked at a five star hotel called Shangri-La. I have completed four and a half rotations of the food and beverage outlets in the hotel, with one left. Next month, exactly a month from today I will be home again.

I can't tell you how excited I am about that very thought. All of the above statement is just a little weird, a little crazy and a little awesome. I say this now because looking back at the five months myself and my three roommates lived here was more than just an internship. Time stopped back home for us, and we plunged into this world unknowing what would commence.
There's still a month left, I still have a week or so in Lobby Lounge, then a whole rotation in F2, our bar...but I'm already summing up the experience into bite sized chunks. We have so many memories, new experiences, and new world views (and some really strange Japanese styled toe-socks.)
The days where it seemed like time never passed were the most trying...those were the days that I would cry, skype my unfailingly supportive boyfriend, family and roommates to put my head down and power through. I remember looking at my calendar every night in May/June, counting down until September/October hit. I figured September and October would fly by, and November would be here in no time. Now here we are, halfway through my last full month here as an intern!

Sometimes I feel like I've been away from home so long that that part of my life was the long distance living, and my real life is here. Although, this is not real life. On one hand, we are gaining experience at a hotel for our resumes and future employers to look at...but on the other we spend so much time outside of that mindset that its hard to remember we're still students, and college awaits us upon our return.
I say 'we' and 'us', but its probably just my perspective. I'm finding that so much of my introspective thoughts become increasingly difficult to express on this impersonal forum. There are so many feelings and expressions that I cannot express with written word.

Now I can look at this month left, remember that I made it this far (not without help) and gladly move forward with my life. This month will be the collection of positivity, more gifts and souvenirs, and last minute memories. My heart is bursting with all the things I've learned, seen, experienced and I can't wait to have a captive, English speaking audience to impart all that upon!

My scarf smells like smoke, some kinda spicy sauce and my stomach is full of weird Chinese-y foods like chicken feet, duck tongue, some kinda meat skewer thing and of course yummy fried squid. My lobby lounge friends had a K-TV party where we sang, ate, drank, danced, shouted, ate and drank. Those girls are so sweet and I feel like one of the family, -that could be because they are very touchy feely and I get hugs and air kisses all the time. They are so fun!
I'm sitting in the living room listening to my pandora radio and feeling quite content, and at peace. However, its late and I should head to bed.
Have an awesome weekend, friends!

The One Where I Espresso My Feelings

Basically a shift at Lobby Lounge consists of very fattening elements. As I walk into the back pantry that is more like a giant closet, I am greeted enthusiastically by my friends (most of whom are girls) and then I hide there the rest of the shift. I make coffee drinks, tea, set up trays to be taken out, sometimes deliver them and even sometimes help out in the lounge itself. Mostly though...I stand in the back singing with the pantry people, eating cookies, and teaching English phrases here and there. I'm pretty proud of the fact that I can now steam milk like a champ, and make a somewhat nice looking cappuccino. My weaknesses are the bowls of peanuts, the box of cookies and my colleagues who continuously make me new drinks that almost always contain whole milk. Lets just say I'm getting my calcium intake...but don't be surprised if I come back as an actual cow.
The drinks we make are pretty awesome, lots of sugar, lots of milk, but the coffee itself is quite awful. Their method for making coffee is the same for a espresso. This means all the coffee is super concentrated, and they just add water. I know that's how its made otherwise, but I miss drip machines or percolators. It just tastes better. I can't wait to go to a restaurant and get served a pot of coffee. Hopefully one that's been sitting there a while so its nice and old tasting...that would probably taste better than the stuff here.
So besides drinking my way to "barndome" I'm actually learning a lot of helpful drink combinations, and I'm not so frightened of the espresso maker machines.

I've had the pleasure to meet new people from all over the world, and to get to know them in a rather short amount of time. Usually we have a nice conversation at the venue where I work, then my roommates meet them and we all go out for dinner or something. Rarely however, do I meet anyone who really expects much from me- as in my plans for the future, what I want to do with my life etc. I'm not sure what there is to my future, or even what I'll end up doing yet. One guest and I sat in our hotel bar for a couple hours and we really delved into what I can look forward to as I enter the employed world. He asked me if I had all my financial troubles taken care of, and there was nothing for me to worry about in that respect...what would I do?
You know what I said?
I don't know.
No, that's what I said, I do know what I said- it was that.
Honestly though....nothing jumped out at me. I mean, as for working or getting a gig that paid, I couldn't say with absolute conviction that I would do this or that.
It kinda freaked me out. I have a year left and I gotta figure this out. So far I've been going through my head all the jobs I've heard of, the qualifications necessary and any capacities I might have. I'm left with an odd assorted list of rather unhelpful things.
I would make a mean professional doodler though.
How can I travel all over the world, while simultaneously mostly just enjoying the cultures and cuisines, and not really spend too much time in an office or...work building of sorts? I'm thinking tv personality. But that requires other things I'm not interested in, like being on camera front and center. Or how can I spend the most amount of time with my family, buut still make the money needed for a nice vacation and so on? There's no happy balance I'm afraid, and if you knew me- you'd know I know this, and I'm aware that people struggle with this daily. I never said my blog would have brand new revelations...they're just in my own words. So this future thing is looming quite large, and I have to find something fast!
Buuut that's something there's time for me to think about...like a fifteen hour plane ride amount of time.

Living in China. That's where I'm at right now in my life. I'm living in China, and I'm figuring it out.

Also, I've found a lot of strange parallels in the tv shows that I'm watching lately, it seems like my film choice directly correlates to the situation I'm in. Either that or Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Star Trek's directors spent some time here too.
That's probably it.

Nat Geo and an Unlikely Comparison

Since the beginning of this whole journey, I felt a little guilty about having this opportunity. A little guilty that so much resources, time and effort would be put forth for me, and I would get to simply enjoy it.
Obviously that's not even remotely all there is to it. I did have to put forth some of my own effort, resources and time and there's the scholastic side of it that requires attention but you get my meaning.
So far the feeling has been 50/50. Guilty yet happy. I have to say that now that I've been here, and been exposed to many other people's experiences I also realize how much there is out there beyond my jaunt in the big wide world.
Nat Geo really helps this viewpoint too.
But seriously! There's this giant mash of people's experiences found in tv series, movies and even those I come into contact with on a daily basis...its overwhelming, exciting and it makes me feel about ten inches tall.
Here I am feeling so proud of coming to China for 6 months when I see people working in the jungles with remote tribes, or traveling around the world completing challenges for fun! There's the business men who've been back and forth to China for years, and the musicians who've been everywhere opening shows in all kinds of places, facing obstacles that I'm sure I'll never face in Daydream Dalianland. How mind opening, pride stinging and possibility creating is that??

Also, there's this pattern of all the places I've lived that I've just noticed. Usually the town I'm in is a bubble world town, meaning nothing truly horrific, world attention grabbing, or even quite well known has happened, or seems to happen.
Sure there's the odd fire burning down an apartment building, or a small tornado takes out a DQ, or SWAT clears out a play ground for the President's visit...but it always feel like everything else happens elsewhere. That's probably on the most part, a good thing.

Plus also. If you are watching Star Trek, and you realize a situation that strangely resembles your own but involves Klingons and starships...you might be living in China.

I found a pair of knee high socks that I bought specifically for the plane ride. Since my pj pants were drying, and my ankles were a bit chilly I donned them. Unfortunately the socks did not cover the gap between my socks and shorts, and my legs were still a little cold. After a pause, I asked Heather why they don't make better socks and short combos. She called them pants.
Uh whatever.

It's Mooncake Time!

This week is our Mooncake Festival, and China's National Holiday. We have five days off, and I'm taking full advantage of it, mostly by lying around watching tv shows, sleeping and eating mooncakes.
Mooncakes are interesting. I say this because most people I talk to either likes them, or hates them. Sometimes the flavors are quite interesting, and the English translations are something like this: smashed lily bulp (I'm assuming they mean pulp), or a "paste" of some kind. I mean, they don't put a lot of effort in making them sound good and on top of it, they're kinda dense, can be dry and are killer unhealthy. I think they said that one mooncake can be up to 1200-1400 calories.
Eek.
Good thing I've only had four.
Anyway I was informed that most people don't eat them, they just give them as gifts (like our fruit cakes I suppose) because these suckers will last for a month under refrigeration. I've had peanut butter, some kinda fig newton-y fruit, coffee and red bean. I'm probably gaining ten pounds as I type this- it just hasn't caught up yet.
Its funny because my favorite restaurant here so far is the Indian one our friend Kamal took us too. The butter chicken is fantastic, and I can eat my weight in garlic butter naan bread. I feel a little guilty for not enjoying Chinese food as much, seeings how I'm living here, and the authentic cuisine available here is rare to find in the U.S. However, I must say I've done my best to sample as much as possible just for reference sake, so you can ask me what I've had and I'll try to dazzle you with the weirder of my experiences.

Have I mentioned that its already October now? I'm so sad I'm not home for fall...being on campus during this time is the best time in my opinion. There's football, jeans and sweatshirt weather, crispy leaves on the ground and fresh nipping air that holds a whisper of winter. Fall means a flurry of activity before the true cold sets in, and everyone hunkers down in their abodes.
The air is getting chillier here, and I am sorely unprepared for colder weather. I need to fill out my wardrobe and prepare more for it. Thankfully all the vendors have already rolled out their coats, hats and boots so I'll have no problem making that happen.

Well, I'm gonna hit the hay, so have a great week!

Doodles, Shore, and One Great Big Decision

I don't remember a time when I didn't think of music accompanying The Lord of the Rings. The songs written by Howard Shore somehow were woven into the book, and is now an integral part to the story. Whenever I hear the opening song to the Fellowship, I'm immediately transported to that world. My parents read LOTR to us kids, and I remember sitting enraptured, listening to the events fantastically unfold.
It's also great doodling music. I become almost mindless and start drawing, just letting the music take over my brain. Basically I'm not responsible for the drawings that end up on my sketch book's pages.

The reason I'm writing this is because I should be studying for my midterm exam in my Chinese class...but I'd rather explain the rapture I feel when I listen to music.
At least my procrastination is good for being bored and needing reading material!

This weekend we have a public holiday starting for me on Saturday, and ending on Wednesday. At this time I should of course work on my project, turn in my PPT for review and collect "last minute" data. So that means on Wednesday, I'll get all this done right before the deadline. My project is a SWOT analysis of the Food and Beverage outlets here, if I haven't mentioned that before. I'll go through each venue and list the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats and compare them to their competitive set here in Dalian. Sounds relatively simple right? Yeah...*sigh*. It is. It's simply 20 pages, a PPT and a half hour presentation in front of the Excom members. Mid October marks D-day, and also denotes our time here slowly winding down. That plus the English corners, the separate internship paper that's due before Thanksgiving should mean our time is quite occupied, and we will be very busy for the next month and a half. Thank goodness!
We've also been talking about what we're gonna wear on the plane ride back...y'know, just to be prepared.

I did discover recently that only 24 credit hours stands between me and graduating, and all I'd need to do is take 22 credits this next spring, and 2 in the summer. That's it! I'm decidedly ready to be done with school. It's annoying, the whole time I dread taking tests, going to class and through the motions of being a functional student. I'm over it!
However, after some consultations and much thought, I've decided to spend my time focusing on school and working, rather than killing myself just to be shoved out into the great wide world a few months early. So, I will indeed graduate December 2013 like originally planned. I'm sure the decision is a sound one, and I'll be glad for the extra time...it's just hard to see past the drivel of schoolwork and what feels like a waste of time in a classroom, when I could be out and doing what they're talking about!
Why did I want so badly to be an adult when I was a kid?

Also, my friend Ian got me a bag of these starchy seeds, that are usually surrounded by a spiny light green encasement, found on trees. They are delicious, but the texture is odd. He called them, "li peng", and I asked what the English name was but he didn't know. I was so excited! A real Chinese food that no one has had in America.
Guess what it is?
A chestnut. A simple, plain chestnut. I was crushed.

Chapter 4: Shang Palace

Two weeks flew by thankfully, but kinda sadly too. I had little interactions worth retelling in Shang Palace, but the atmosphere definitely warmed up the longer I worked. The girls were thrilled to teach me any Chinese I could remember, and by the end we had a nice conversation of half English, acting and a little Chinese thrown in. I'm sorry that my first few days weren't as good as the last, and I didn't get to know the people there sooner. They are sweet, and very interested in what I'm about...they just can't express it, or really delve into with me. And yes... I realize that entire post about hating Shang Palace is being totally negated here..but I did warn you that I was tired and most likely unreasonable. But over all I really enjoyed working in the private dining rooms, getting that serving style down and being a helpful fly on the wall.
So chapter four, and incidentally the third to last chapter is now closed.

On to Lobby Lounge! My first day was gleefully made by two of my favorite people that work there; Samansa, and Ian. Ok first off its actually Samantha, but since that's nearly impossible for many Chinese people to say, they call her Samansa. Naturally, we do too.
She is hilarious.
Hilarious in a way that is completely off the wall, and constantly catches me off guard. I laughed all day today with her and her over-the-top dramatics. And her grasp of English is very good, even though her spoken words are few and normally oddly pronounced. I had the honor of differentiating between the words "ice" and "ass" for her today. Spoken aloud, with a strong Chinese accent, these two words are almost identical. So to help my friend out, and because it made me giggle, I explained the difference by pointing to my butt, and then pointing to my eyes. She looked bewildered, then a great grin spread on her face and she said, "Ohh I think if I say it wrong the guest will be afraid". I lost it, just imagining this girl asking a westerner if he'd like a glass of "ass water" and a look of naked fear crossing his face.
 She never has a moment of 'eh', it's either she hates someone, or she loves them and she states these feelings with such conviction.
I started a list labeled SSS. It means Stuff Samantha Says (pg version) and I wrote down all her sayings. There's the ever helpful, "Be careful", only after I've done something wrong, or the dramatic, "No! I don't allow it!" when I inform her of an impending bathroom break. My personal favorite is, "I mees youu", to which she says every time I have to deliver a tray in the lounge. So its safe to say I will at least enjoy the shifts I have with that crazy girl.
Ian is our only boy in LL, and he's pretty cool. When the hotel had the outing at the mountain, he was in my group, so I got to know him before we worked together. He loves American music, can make any kinda drink you want and can eat whatever he wants without gaining a single pound. Also, we can discuss what kinda men are attractive and he has a very nice looking boyfriend. Basically he's one of the girls, he just gets to carry more trays and do all the heavy lifting.
He took me out for dinner to a little shop that serves Japanese food. We got a couple spicy dishes with tofu, chicken and an order of kim chee. The main entree was this conglomeration of a layer of fried chicken over rice and latticed with mayonnaise.
Have I mentioned the obsession with mayo the Japanese have?? Its weird and for being known as such a healthy culture, seems kinda contradictory! The food was ok, but the conversation was pretty fun. Then he took me to the supermarket to try 'li peng', or the fruit of a very spiny ball that grows on trees here. Its about like a potato texture, but a little drier and slightly sweet. We munched on them and chatted while walking back to my apartment. I thought to myself that this kind of spontaneous outing is really quite cool, and I know I'll miss it when I get back. I'm glad I can get to know people that will show me little things about China that I'd never know otherwise.

Last week in September...then there's a month of solid Lobby Lounge, projects, Chinese class tests and more projects.
Also, I'll be going to the gym for the first time in about two months...soo glad I bought that membership!!

I Can't Drop Eaves Here.

As I stared up at the ceiling of graceful undulating crystal flower waves, I realized I spend a whole lotta time staring at ceilings now. But that ceiling in Shang Palace is well worth a gander. Its delicate, but has great volume, and the individual parts make up this perfectly still chandelier that still seems to always be in gentle movement. The lights in the private dining rooms aren't much less mesmerizing and its a darn good thing they're in there... I need something else to stare at besides the unintelligible guests who insist on speaking Chinese the whole night.
Geesh.
They could at least try and speak English for my sake, so that I may eavesdrop with much more ease. Now I stand around looking interested but not too nosy...which isn't hard to do. Actually looking interested is pretty hard because I haven't the faintest idea what they're discussing. Probably buses. And shipyards. Soo...I'm not missing anything!
I have learned the art of "standing by". I might add that I can do this quietly and for a long time, almost five minutes! Hovering has become second nature now...(actually more like 8th nature because I'm pretty sure there's been other natures mentioned before this) and  my 7th sense tingles when there's a plate needing changed, or a glass needing filled. (The 6th sense was for seeing dead people, but I hated that experience- so we're skipping on to 7).
Mostly the guests chat amongst themselves, occasionally eating, and every once in a while they actually need more water or wine. That is unless they are "gam-beh-ing" which is a word for toasting, or better known as an excuse to get wasty-faced off of any alcohol present. I've seen it done with wine, beer, rice wine that also doubles as paint thinner, and various whiskeys. Basically they're shots of the beverage, half an average drink and its gulped down all at once. Try doing that with wine...its interesting. And the only reason I know this is because of the group of Chinese people who snagged me after lunch one day, and refused to take no for an answer. Its incredibly rude to not finish your drink, so you must bottom's up, or you'll be...well a rude person.
So next time you are sipping on a nice red, think of us in China- unable to slowly enjoy anything...because its rude.

I do enjoy working there much more now...mostly because I'm not tired, my world is not ending and the girls started teaching me Chinese words. I'm officially a pet parrot. I just repeat what they say much to their delight, and they giggly happily when I say it later in casual conversation. Whenever I say something they didn't teach me they can't express enough astonishment over it. I'm just here for entertainment, but not by my personal choice of methods.

English corner went swimmingly, in that my good friend Richard attended and rephrased pretty much everything I said in English and Chinese. So thank goodness I was there to get the slides going! I know the point of us even hosting the event is to get the ball rolling on the staff learning more English, but my not knowing enough Chinese to communicate the topic of my subject kinda sucks. I did my best to be energetic about movies, the topics and the common words that go along with it but most of the time I sat back with a confused smile as my "class" talked quickly, and only, in Chinese. Next time I'll have more people who speak a higher level of English, so I hope it goes more smoothly then.

The week is half over, I'm looking forward to starting a new rotation, which incidentally is my second to last one here. Can I get a whoop whoop!? Or just a hurray?

The Part Where It Could Sit On You and Crush Your Head

Forget what you know about zoos. America is way too uptight, and China knows what people want!! People want to experience the animals, pet a Zebra or feed a bear, or possibly get mauled by a kangaroo, emu and/or rhino.
I have never experienced a zoo like I did today. Animals were roaming around, fences were mere suggestions of boundaries and the most guarded inmates were the hyenas, wolves and monkeys. Everyone else had pretty free range of access to humans. This means children could put their tiny hands through the emu fence, kangaroos could stand up and box a person in the eye, and giraffes could effortlessly step over the wooden barriers to their area. Llamas, deer, mountain goats and miniature looking antelopes ran around willynilly in and out of other animal's pens, and on the road where people could get hoofed or head butted quite easily. I petted a Zebra, made eye contact with a very ugly camel and feared for my life being next to the ostrich pen. Oh and I sat on an elephant's forehead with its trunk wrapped around me.
I don't get it. Safety is just a slight suggestion, a mere whisper of caution that most people here just ignore. The US is obsessed with making everything so extremely safe for people, and I think that creates this mentality that there is always danger around us. Here, people stroll around casually with their babies, near wild animals that could bite an arm or leg, with no second thought.
However they refuse to take western medications, drink cold water or eat too much sweets because its "so dangerous and bad for the health".
The cultural difference is mind blowing.

I'm pretty sure my view of the world has never been so expansive than at this point. That could be due to the amount of blood that rushed to my head during my bungee jump though. (Which incidentally burst a ton of blood vessels under my eyes and made me look like a caffeinated acupuncturist's first day's client.)

One week left in Shang Palace, then onto Lobby Lounge were the luxurious carpet cushions, the music soothes and cookies taste sublime.

Bucket list: 1 down.

I have a little under two months to get the rest our bucket list items checked off. However, we knocked a big item off today by biting the bullet, and taking the plunge. Literally. Um, not the bullet thing because I like having my teeth...I mean the plunge bit.
We went bungee jumping.
Yes. Yes we did. I have never been more terrified in my life, nor as elated. I think it's the craziest thing I've ever done and I kinda like that I get to add "in China" at the end.
I went bungee jumping for the first time in my life, in China.
Other than that my day was pretty normal.
Want the hairy details? Well this is a story I must present in person.

As I mentioned before, the past week we had a company outing over a three day period, and my roommates and I were then given the chance to bond with our colleagues by hiking a trail around a mountain, and completing a couple challenges like rope bridges etc. We had a blast, but I was draggin by the end. But this is yet another 'in person story'.

I think from now on I'll give highlights to any big events, and then if we bump into each other, we'll have something to talk about. That way you don't have to refer to my blog that recounts all the good parts, and no awkward silence will fall as we realize...I have nothing to say! Deal?

Debbie Downer Alert: Wah Wah

For some reason I cry more at work than I do at my apartment. There must be some kind of weird psychological barrier that stops me from breaking down into the weepies in the privacy of my room, and instead only allows me to in front of a dining room full of guests and servers. Stinging tears shan't be shed unless an onlooker is present, and humiliating sobs can't happen as I sit despondently in front of my desk at home.
It rarely bothers me that communication is bumpy and getting the full meaning of a question across can take some verbiage maneuvering. I don't get frustrated by it much here any more because I know its just a question of phrasing it in such a way that they understand...but today I lost it. My new rotation in Shang Palace so far has been rather unwelcoming overall, and I feel entirely too awkward to even pretend like it doesn't bother me. Normally, the colleagues are just too shy to talk because of the language barrier and they don't want to sound stupid in front of me. Also, normally I smile at them and try to engage them enough to wear them down past feeling shy...but the return of my social encouragements have been few and sometimes rather coldly received. I smile at people to let them know I'm hoping they smile back, and maybe we can say hi the next time, then later chat about our favorite foods or something. I smile because I need the people around me to help me and I rely on them so much to make this experience fulfilling and worthwhile...so when I get a deadpan look back, or they look away from me with no warmth at all...it hurts more than I ever expected.

It's true that so far, my first few days anywhere have always been a little awkward and there's that warming up period, but I only have two weeks here and I feel like it would take months to break the ice. Maybe right now I'm just over sensitive, and these people are no different from my awesome friends at iCafe, room service and Nishimura, but folks...I'm tired. I'm tired of putting myself out there until someone meets me. Four months of smiling brightly at strangers, making eye contact with people that only stare back is wearing me down. I just want that easy going banter I had with my first rotations, and the quick grins instantaneous to me when I saw a friendly face.

If I've learned one thing from this experience, its that I don't know if I could survive outside of my comfort zone of friends and fellow workers of home. I mean, I've survived this long and mostly because of my roommates and the outgoing workers that came to us first. However, I can't imagine living in a foreign country, by myself, working at a place where I couldn't communicate fluently with my peers. I might've mentioned once or twice that I'd be interested in working abroad but today, I'm not feeling it.
(So wait til next week and ask again)

Honestly though, I'm just tired. I don't work all the time, or have late shifts, but expending all the energy to communicate and appear calm and collected everyday is draining me. And yes I just got back from vacation, but I think a culmination of all these feelings over the past few months, has finally sank in.

Also yesterday was the hotel outing and we hiked around a mountain.
The way I'm feeling now probably has something to do with that, among other things.

Chapter 3: Nishimura

Forget what I said about not judging a man by his mole. If you can even get past looking at the darn thing, I'll be proud. But actually, its not the mole itself, but the one very long singular hair growing vertically out of it like a defiant tree branch.
The proud owner of said mocking mole, is a very sweet and otherwise not half bad looking guy. It was all I could do to not yank that sucker right out of his neck, or yell, "Look, an elephant!" and when he looks right, lunge at his next with a very small pair of scissors and snip the shiznit out of that thing. Honestly, who cares what people keep on their necks, faces, bodies or whatever...and this mole is not even big! It's a normal sized pigmented spot on his skin, but the hair produced from it is of overwhelming length. I finally couldn't take it anymore and I asked the guy what the deal was. (In a much nicer way than you are imagining right now, geesh). He told me it meant long life.
A hair.
Growing out of your neck. Out  past the collar and well onto the mid shoulder region.
Nothing could ever entice me to keep a stringly looking protrusion like that, even the promise of long life. Especially if my long life included a long life with THAT HAIR!

 Ok, he's a nice guy, and he likes his mole hair. Go him.

Chapter 3: Nishimura
For the two swift weeks that I worked at Nishimura I made friends with my colleagues, learned new ways of making myself look even more ridiculous than just a pretty gold blouse and black slacks ever could, and I'll miss the management and organization of it. Really, the place is well run, the food orders are neatly taken care of, and I never saw any huge snafus occur. Overall it was a nice break from the break neck of iCafe and the snail's pace of IRD, and I'll always cherish the memory of that uniform.
Chapter closed.

Shang Palace went off to a great start today with a fresh new uniform; management style. I'm in an actual business suit now and I'll be honest...I feel a little empty inside. Where's my lycra/polyester blend blouse and/or badly fitting waitress dress? No ugly colors, no flashy sashes...just a white button down and a black jacket/ pencil skirt combo. I even wear black tights...maybe I'm a shadow this time!
I basically get to follow around the sales team for a week, figure out what they do to get people to show up to the place, and how they make them stay happy returning customers. For the first part of the day, I sat in a private dining room (which are lavishly furnished, complete with an indulgent bejeweled chandelier) and chatted with the sales member Sean. Sean who incidentally happens to have a mole on the side of his neck, is very nice but his enthusiasm for talking wanes at really awkward times.
I rarely run out of things to say. If you know me at all...you know this to be true. But when I'm in a room with one other person I just met, who speaks very little expansive English and is also a little socially disadvantaged I don't freeze up...I trail off. A lot. And say things like, "so....yeah", "it's not bad though..." or "I like it very much yes..." Then there's the looking around the room, scrutinizing a painting so closely you realize you can no longer see a picture just paint strokes...and that's when its acceptable to play dead.
Later when he led me to another PDR and gave me a plate of goodies, I moved past his unfortunate symbol of pride and our awkward exchanges. I sat there munching on mango pancakes and a dim sum hallow fried cupcake thingy, looked around at the room's decor and thought to myself, "Wow...I really need some milk with this." I also was thinking how really ridiculously cushy I have it. People put me in rooms with food in it and turn me loose saying, "Have a taste, and wait a moment I come back". So I sit, eat and reiterate in my head...I have it pretty darn good here.

Folks, I'm not sure if you realize but this week holds a very important date. This week holds a one September 14th, 2012. Its an innocuous date to others, but to you it should mean oh-so-much-more. This date marks exactly two months until I am back in the States, once more in the dear company of friends and family. Have I mentioned time is flying?

Uncharted Territories: A Hairy Situation

 Friday, I worked my shift and looked forward to a nice goodbye dinner with my lovely manager Linda. Lunch was busy, and I helped a couple guests with their food orders and of course got to talking with them. I do so enjoy the conversations I have with the foreigners that come through Shangri-La. I get so much encouragement and positive feedback from them about my decision to come all the way out here, and stay away from home this long. I get to hear about their travels and war stories of being successful business men, or how they survived flying back and forth from home so much. It really does make what I do worth while.
When lunch ended I headed home to 'have a rest', watched some tv and did the normal linger online hoping someone wasn't tired and needed to chat at 3am thing. Around 5 I headed back to work.
Within 15 minutes of being at work, I ate two silkworms and made a baby go into hysterics. I don't think the two events coincided.
First off I didn't even do anything to that baby other than say hi, and maybe ask what his name was. Pretty sure when a baby waves at you, its saying 'hey be my friend'! Plus also, he did at some point tell me he liked me! So it kinda blew my mind when I walked away, came back out of the kitchen, and he dissolved into frightened tears when his eyes fell upon me.
I hid from that baby for an hour, too afraid to walk past his table lest he become beside himself again.

Silkworms are covered in a brown casing that much resembles wriggling poop. The first time I held one it was quite still, and I was not freaked out. The second time I held one "Twist and Shout" must've been playing in there, cuz that little dude was rockin' out. I freaked out.
It's a delicacy here to roast and salt this little guys, then delicately suck them out of the cocoon. I would advise not looking under the shell, and just closing your eyes while popping the whole thing in your mouth. Texture wise, I'd say its a cross between fried eggs and tofu, with a taste of...meat-ish. I enjoyed it, and as for the health benefits its got a ton of protein. So just for that...I'd eat one everyday! (Ok...not really)


Then, after much waiting and anticipation I got to "have a taste" of Nishimura's more popular dishes like grilled flat fish, salmon sushi, a sashimi set, some really intense wasabi that makes you wish your sinus never existed and soba noodles, which are cold served with a raw quail egg in a soy sauce. I feasted, drank the smoothly deceptive plum wine that went down like apple juice (but didn't have the effects of it).
Overall, I rate the food there from a scale of "1-YEE-UMMY", as a "YUMM"! *

Today we explored a new territory of China that we dared not thus far. We decided to go get our haircut. I don't know about you, but getting my hair cut in a foreign land (and its vital that all instructions are clearly understood), is a bit nerve wracking. Luckily for us, the place we ended up going to was also half a spa and they sedate you with hand and arm massages (then if it is a train wreck, you won't notice in your relaxed haze), a good shampoo and a nice beating on your shoulders with a hair brush. I'm not saying I hated it. Our attendees were these cute little metallic uniformed gals who giggled at our antics, and hit us on the arms with gentle yet decisive fists. I had no idea that we would get a full work up, so everything they did was a surprise and it made me startle into laughing.
I'll act it out in person at a later date, upon request.
The actual haircut was quick and, I think, very good. My guy did a once over, assessed my layers and quickly put my hair back into a groomed and healthy state. He even styled it, which was the undoing of our afternoon plans thereafter. My hair looked too good to do anything besides find a nice restaurant, sit there and have a fantastic head of hair. I have to enjoy these moments while they last, and let me tell you- having nice hair here is almost impossible without a personal assistant.
Before we head back to the States, we are planning on visiting again just to enjoy that cheap luxury one more time.
I also took more pictures of the places we go to, because I realized you have no idea what I see when I talk about Greenwich or what a lounging cop looks like. Also, I think I'll need to be able to see them again at some point...I might miss this place someday.

Tomorrow is my last day for Nishimura, then on to my third to last rotation: two weeks in Shang Palace. Time is a flyin' now.
*(official scale and trademarked) (patent pending)

Fish Faced Foolishness

I never envisioned myself wearing pj's to work and getting handed things like dead fish on trays.
Actually, ok the pajama thing is quite easy to imagine, and honestly  its probably the best uniform I will ever have the honor of donning each day. Its cotton, breathable and crawling around on straw floors is a breeze.*
However, nothing can prepare oneself for being handed two very glossy eyed, but very dead, fish on a serving tray that normally hold freshly squeezed juice or precariously stacked dishes. You'd think its not a big deal to walk back to the kitchen with such items in hand, but the situation will hit you and you'll realize that one trip will cause these limp fish to fly until they hit the floor in an undignified and smoosh-y manner.
Hilarity never hits me in the right situation. I swear I have an upside down sense of humor, or maybe its just so malnourished it will take in any scenario leaning toward funny and magnify it by 20...
I feel myself shriveling inside as my humor is continuously ignored or not understood...can funny bones shrink? All I know is, when I get back ya'll better be ready to laugh uproariously at my jokes because I need the boost...like taking a post trip vitamin of laughter and appreciation of puns. I'm seriously deficient.

Making big decisions takes a lot of focus and clarity and its amazing what distance does for that decision. Hard decisions are gonna be hard no matter how far away you are, but it does make for an unfettered viewpoint. I'm grateful to have this distance, yet it sucks all the same. Who decided that growing up should be this heavily laden with hard choices, and difficult separations? They obviously hated being a child, and forced everyone else around them to stop acting "childish". That way everyone is miserable together. Or maybe with age comes realization and realization just makes everyone sad to realize being a kid is way better and they should've stuck with that instead. Ah boohoo.

The first week back after our mini vacation has been incredibly busy. We have rocked lunch each day almost to full capacity. I'm running to and fro as fast as my white, cloven, sock clad thongs allow me, and I've developed an auto pilot program specifically for Nishimura that has so far, not created too much chaos. That's not counting the four drink orders I mixed up, the accidental complimentary salad I delivered to a very surprised guest and the tray of vinegar dipping sauce I nearly adorned upon a low seated guest while crawling around on the floor.
Stop giving me trays to deliver in the private dining rooms! I am old. Too old to hold a tray vertically, full of sauce that will most certainly stain, and pretend my legs are stumps at the knees while leaning over some VIP that could potentially have me offed, (but it would look like an accident for sure). They say when you don't wanna clean the kitchen break the dishes. Do you think spilling sake upon a lap is equivalent?

When an order is up, the chef will either clap his hands or yell something in Japanese/Chinese and the servers respond with, "Hai!" or yes, in Japanese. I've taken to responded regardless if I'm near or even capable of taking the tray somewhere. I've been condition to being clapped at and acknowledging it... without fury or indignation!
China has changed me.
I also enjoy the smell of curry now, and I don't remember a time when warm, dampened wash cloths are not given before a meal. I say 'thank you' in Chinese so often that its a reflex instead of a response. "Are you gonna finish that sandwi-" "Xie xie".
There's a jade bracelet around my wrist, and I've realized my recent and deep loathing for cucumbers. Ketchup here is fake, and my french fries taste naked...but I eat them anyway. That would never happen in USA. You see? The me you knew is fading away...

 Well maybe not fading away all the way, but I have come to realize a lot about myself. This introspective journey has yielded some fruits of ripe and also rotten varieties. I feel that mostly its positive change, and some things that come to light should surface now- instead of 40 years just about when my midlife crisis should hit.

Mostly I've come to terms with the fact that I will never actually enjoy the taste of bok choy, or crave chicken neck but the fact that I've tried it is a testament to an exploratory nature I wasn't sure existed. Yes, China has indeed changed me.


*This is interestingly worded because today I taught what the word 'breeze' meant, and it had more to do with a light wind, than an easy situation. However, I will refrain from trying to teach that because it was not a breeze explaining what breeze meant.
Can't win em all!

Also, as if I haven't had the chance to forever ruin my colleagues "normal" speech patterns and vocabulary already, they are hosting an English corner at the hotel which will be led by myself and my fellow interns. Imagine. All I'm sayin' is- I'm bringing back ye old timey words like "pardon" "indubitably" and "humblest apologies". And somehow I'll work those into the lecture while also discussing my assigned topic of movies...

Post Travel Post

Actually our adventure started when we got to the airport and thought we had an hour to wait, that turned into about two hours after that hour was up. We wiled the hours away by playing cards and being generally obnoxious like we do. We touched down in Beijing around 2am and got to our hotel/room around 3ish. I didn't sleep until about 4 and we were up for breakfast around 8.30. We hit the first tourist trap of The Forbidden City which took us a few hours. Gate entrances after gate entrances and the palace grounds kept going and going. We passed by rooms, official government meeting places even a terrace building specifically to change the Emperor's robes...its good to be Emperor! The city is enormous, old and fascinating. I can't believe people actually lived there. I wonder what it looked like 800 years ago when it was new.

We had a lot of existential moments today as we walked around...it was definitely an experience that makes you reexamine your existence, the moments you become so self aware, and realize that once again this world is so much bigger than a test at school, or if gas went up 10 cents.

This city was made for one person. One guy they declared to be supreme ruler, who sent up sacrifices to the god's to make the crops grow, and the skies open up or be calm. That is mind blowing to me. This random dude, who for all accounts is someone that just showed up one day and was declared divine (that's how I see it in my head) and BAM he's got it all. Gardens, patios, huge tracks of land (no really, its just land) and gardens for his many wives too. He also has other stuff like a sacrificial temple and a summer palace...basically Beijing was the Emperor's playground. Lucky guy.

The sun was behind us all day as we trooped through crowds, over huge doorway steps and by palace rooms that all blurred together. My legs are probably completely cooked from the inside out by now, but surprisingly they haven't turned red...yet.
There are so many people here. There's huge swarms of guided tours with matching orange hats, all the way to people strolling around in two's or threes. Also, our celeb status got taken down a few notches. Sadly we are not the only people of non Asian descent anymore, and the other foreigners are numerous and easily spotted.
Tonight we'll take it easy, have a rest and hit the hay early because tomorrow is the big one: The Great Wall.

Ok, so I really meant to write each day bout what happened then post it all at once. Now I'm afraid I have so much to write about that I won't cover it all in under 10,000 words. So instead of posting a blog of enormous proportions, I will highlight the best parts, in bullet point form of course, and you can ask the juicy, or nitty gritty, or sweaty, or emotional, or fascinating details after when I return home...in two months.

1) The Great Wall was incredibly great, and wallish. We did not know the hike would be so...vertical. Also playing tag.
2.) Never trust a tour guide.
3.) Make time for traffic.
4.) Tourist spots are touristy, but that doesn't negate the experience of seeing an awe- inspiring architectural wonder in person.
5.) I've seen two wonders of the world now, only 15 of the Seven left! (exaggeration...or is it?)
6.) Happy Hour
7.) The rainiest yet most adventurous day just from wanting noodles for lunch. Hint: I've used almost all types of transportation in China now...including the rickety "microwave" vehicle.
8.) Swim caps mandatory, especially if a bikini is involved
9.) Traveling with non family members is an entirely new experience
10.) Xi'an is actually a really cool city, and completely opposite of what I expected
11.) Jade is expensive...unless you decide its not
12.) Being hard-hearted is acceptable while shopping at a silk market. Be unabashed.
13.) Dalian is a beautiful city, and we all agreed that by the end of the trip, we missed home.
14.) I will have these fantastic memories of my time in China, hopefully for the rest of my life and it was worth, every penny and every single minute.

Everything else...well you'll just have to ask :)