As I walked back to my apartment, tall drip Starbucks coffee in hand, sun on my face and breeze in my hair, I felt a small surge of pride. How grown up I have become! Having just completed a sit down, to find a web designer for a start up business, all on my own, I patted myself on the back for being so professional.(incidentally, holding a to go cup of coffee with the brand logo kinda cultivates that feeling anyway, asI could've been returning from a finger painting session, and felt that way...) Also, I was wearing bright green flip flops, and I hadn't showered, but that did not negate the sense of accomplishment.
At this moment, making the small steps towards opening a business, I feel very mature. More mature than deciding to take an internship abroad in China, and more so even than how I felt when I returned, mind wide-open from the experience.
But now, as I sit in my apartment, looking at the assortment of stuff I have, and being unable to procure any other great accomplishments and/or reasons why I am so grown up, my ego deflated a bit. Just a bit.
How exciting this opportunity is though! Of course, the foot work has been largely done by my colleague, the founder and owner of this shop, but I'm now included in the process and by the simple act, I feel...honored. Today, I love the idea of opening a bubble tea store, right across the street from where I live. Today, I'm thrilled to think about all the work, the tiny details that need finagling before a door opens to the public. And today, I'm so thankful I have this experience at my fingertips, right there sitting so readily, to be made into something wonderful and bigger than myself.
Here I will continue the euphoric gushings.
This store embodies more than a cup of tea with some flavoring, it means more than somewhere to sit before a movie starts, or while studying for an exam. Selling bubble tea is merely a front for a dream to come true, for the person behind it, to show his family and himself that our American Dream can be his dream too. Success comes from working hard, and believing in what you are doing, and I believe in him, enough to work as hard as I can for his dream.
Today I feel committed and ecstatic to be a part of this process.
Soon the small details will be knit together, then the larger pieces united to make one round and hopefully thorough concept. I cannot wait!
On a side note, I'll admit to having my fair share of caffeine today, and lack of a very stimulating work environment. The effervescent feeling I have now might just burst, and leave me feeling overwhelmed and frightened. As I should probably be feeling...but I've never had very logical emotion timing, so why start now!!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Bachelorette. A New Life.
This is not the first time I've lived alone, and it's not like I've never been alone before...but I'm not only roommate-less, but also single. The game has changed completely.
I've found a certain delight about an empty apartment, coming home to silent rooms, a clean kitchen (when I so desire), bathroom door that never closes and personal control of the tv and thermostat. Rushing home to my now furniture-less (besides the lawn chair and small tv) living room, to immediately discard unwanted pieces of clothing, e.g. pants and parking myself wherever and however I want, is the best part of my day. That moment of slight panic when that bout of last night's burrito ordeal wants to make an appearance vanishes when you live alone.
When you live alone, you can make really weird food combinations, and eat it sans judgment. Tuna straight out of the can? No problem. Room temperature? Even better. Scoop of pb followed by a hot pepper, it's your call! Any kind of alcoholic beverages can be consumed, and in whatever amount you so wish (despite this, I can't overcome the feeling of pathetic-ness if I get drunk by myself and I would probably end up crying on the bathroom floor). Another perk is the letting go of all dignity, letting it all hang out, not needing to suck it in all night, holding back toots, or wear appropriate clothing. Really, living alone brings out the beast in me....best of me?
Alongside those perks, as I've discovered, are the downsides, (a specific discovery prompted me to write this). Can you guess which one?
Living alone means you won't notice if you have a blueberry smoothie mustache for four hours. It means you start watching a rash of 70's films, and finding yourself relating to the characters more than people you interact with daily. Sometimes it means living off oatmeal and yogurt because cooking whole meals makes too many leftovers and you don't like the pressure of having all that food in your fridge. Its just a reminder of how few people live there, when the fridge is packed and things slowly go to waste. (I'm not a big leftovers fan, so maybe that's really a side issue).
But overall, living alone makes you talk to yourself more, internally or verbally. I find myself watching movies and enjoying them, and then I reflect upon the movie and decide its best I am alone, as my taste in movies might be questionable to the average movie buff. I find myself pondering life more, laying in bed staring at my ceiling, just listening to the quiet of my place. Only occasional chirps of birds interrupt, and I realize that I've spent a good hour not doing anything productive...and that makes me feel good too cuz there's no one around to say, "Uh, Ann...you should stop staring at your ceiling. Also...put on some pants".
Next phase of living alone is a mystery to me. All I know now is that there's no one else to take out the garbage, I maybe might just have to eventually clean my own mess up, and my neighbors next door might be slightly traumatized with the noises issuing from this apartment.
PS. I forgot the previous post was a sob fest of my feelings for my roommates leaving...guess I adjust faster than I so recently believed!
I've found a certain delight about an empty apartment, coming home to silent rooms, a clean kitchen (when I so desire), bathroom door that never closes and personal control of the tv and thermostat. Rushing home to my now furniture-less (besides the lawn chair and small tv) living room, to immediately discard unwanted pieces of clothing, e.g. pants and parking myself wherever and however I want, is the best part of my day. That moment of slight panic when that bout of last night's burrito ordeal wants to make an appearance vanishes when you live alone.
When you live alone, you can make really weird food combinations, and eat it sans judgment. Tuna straight out of the can? No problem. Room temperature? Even better. Scoop of pb followed by a hot pepper, it's your call! Any kind of alcoholic beverages can be consumed, and in whatever amount you so wish (despite this, I can't overcome the feeling of pathetic-ness if I get drunk by myself and I would probably end up crying on the bathroom floor). Another perk is the letting go of all dignity, letting it all hang out, not needing to suck it in all night, holding back toots, or wear appropriate clothing. Really, living alone brings out the beast in me....best of me?
Alongside those perks, as I've discovered, are the downsides, (a specific discovery prompted me to write this). Can you guess which one?
Living alone means you won't notice if you have a blueberry smoothie mustache for four hours. It means you start watching a rash of 70's films, and finding yourself relating to the characters more than people you interact with daily. Sometimes it means living off oatmeal and yogurt because cooking whole meals makes too many leftovers and you don't like the pressure of having all that food in your fridge. Its just a reminder of how few people live there, when the fridge is packed and things slowly go to waste. (I'm not a big leftovers fan, so maybe that's really a side issue).
But overall, living alone makes you talk to yourself more, internally or verbally. I find myself watching movies and enjoying them, and then I reflect upon the movie and decide its best I am alone, as my taste in movies might be questionable to the average movie buff. I find myself pondering life more, laying in bed staring at my ceiling, just listening to the quiet of my place. Only occasional chirps of birds interrupt, and I realize that I've spent a good hour not doing anything productive...and that makes me feel good too cuz there's no one around to say, "Uh, Ann...you should stop staring at your ceiling. Also...put on some pants".
Next phase of living alone is a mystery to me. All I know now is that there's no one else to take out the garbage, I maybe might just have to eventually clean my own mess up, and my neighbors next door might be slightly traumatized with the noises issuing from this apartment.
PS. I forgot the previous post was a sob fest of my feelings for my roommates leaving...guess I adjust faster than I so recently believed!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Letting Go.
What I hate about growing up is how suddenly it happens...no warning, just BAM and a new perspective is there. I'm not exactly reeling from the past month, with classes ending that merely transitioned smoothly into a steady job...reeling is too strong a word. Not for the last time, I realize how slowly I actually deal with change. Here I am, near tears, because my roommates up and moved on...left to live their lives elsewhere. I've known about their leaving for a while, but never really thought about all the implications until today. Why this so deeply affects me, when they were practically strangers at the beginning, maybe I'll never know....but this I do know, I am very, incredibly saddened. The empty space of my living room that once contained bodies moving, talking, joking, eating, kitties batting milk cap rings around, and a tv buzzing with Family Guy or whatever show they were watching, is now an expanse of carpet, with a couple lamps, and a sense of lingering energy slowing fading. I want to dramatically sob and throw myself down on my bed, but the emptiness of this small apartment seems to steal the drama right out of me.
I came back from China needing a place to stay, and I found this wonderful cozy place, that seemed to be poised in the prime location for me, near food, near campus and within comfortable distance of social scenes. My roommates were pleasant but already neatly established in their routines, and I felt like a bit of an intruder into their world. Months passed and gradually that feeling left, and we simply became roommates. Comfortable in conversation and silences alike but no pressure in developing any relationship beyond that.
When you live with anyone, even if you don't sit down and discuss their everyone hope or dream, you really just know them. You sense moods, understand small changes of habits or flashes of facial expressions without ever really needing to divulge into personal accounts of how one reacts to different scenarios. You know them.
Now they aren't here. Five bodies occupied this small space, almost forced to coexist in one common area but separate in activities. The room hangs devoid of giggling, or cats chattering. Even the tv is gone, leaving behind giant blank walls that are too big and empty to look at. Not quite abandoned but definitely left behind.
I'm struggling to express my pain overall...not just that they left, but how easily we lived together, minor frustrations and irritations as to be expected, but general caring and concern too. It is difficult to imagine finding others that are so easily assimilated into my life, in such close conditions. I grieve for the loss. And I think the sobbing can commence now.
I came back from China needing a place to stay, and I found this wonderful cozy place, that seemed to be poised in the prime location for me, near food, near campus and within comfortable distance of social scenes. My roommates were pleasant but already neatly established in their routines, and I felt like a bit of an intruder into their world. Months passed and gradually that feeling left, and we simply became roommates. Comfortable in conversation and silences alike but no pressure in developing any relationship beyond that.
When you live with anyone, even if you don't sit down and discuss their everyone hope or dream, you really just know them. You sense moods, understand small changes of habits or flashes of facial expressions without ever really needing to divulge into personal accounts of how one reacts to different scenarios. You know them.
Now they aren't here. Five bodies occupied this small space, almost forced to coexist in one common area but separate in activities. The room hangs devoid of giggling, or cats chattering. Even the tv is gone, leaving behind giant blank walls that are too big and empty to look at. Not quite abandoned but definitely left behind.
I'm struggling to express my pain overall...not just that they left, but how easily we lived together, minor frustrations and irritations as to be expected, but general caring and concern too. It is difficult to imagine finding others that are so easily assimilated into my life, in such close conditions. I grieve for the loss. And I think the sobbing can commence now.
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