Don't be nice, I might cry.

Today was just a continuation of an emotional roller coaster sob fest night. I would've been more prepared for the first day's emotional onslaught if a wave of homesickness didn't just crash down on me five hours before.
I was on the brink of tears for approximately nine hours, and every ten minutes I had to remind myself to stop thinking about how homesick I was. Scratch that. I am homesick. It seems like the simple tasks are the most challenging. I mean you have time to think, and thinking can lead to many different possibly problematic scenarios. Maybe you start thinking about how much you want to take a nap, or how much your feet are hurting in your hotel issued high heels (for example)....then the more introspective thoughts roll in, and you replay conversations, remember moments of real connections, grimace at past misunderstandings, or relive embarrassments. Whenever I get time like that on my hands, I think I'll stick to singing Disney songs instead. Seems safer.
I stood in the pantry area of our hotel's iCafe restaurant, rolled silverware, cleaned glasses, sorted silverware and generally looked awkward and lost. A smattering of light chitchat dotted my morning and highlighted my day, but I still felt unwelcoming eyes on me. I wanted so badly to understand the joking around me, and jump in on the banter that was obviously playing out. Instead I stood over some rigid, unresponsive cutlery, and sniffed back self pitying tears.
Have you ever had the feeling you know people are talking about you, making rude remarks and being obviously unhappy with your very presence? That happened to me about 80 times today. For some reason I find little to no warmth from the customers, and just a tepid response from my colleagues. I struggle with staying positive, knowing the language barrier will slowly break down as we start trying to teach each other our native tongues. My skin is a little too thin for cross cultural encounters quite yet, but I am determined to be as tough as a rhino by the time I leave.

Its time for big girl panties. I'm just kinda tired, and I don't think today is quite the day for them, but I'm aiming for Monday, so lets see how it goes.